Secret Heart
by LukesDragon
Summary: Squall POV Song Fic To Rod Stewart's Secret Heart


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"Secret Heart" by Luke's Dragon

Disclaimer and Author Notes

This is my first FFVIII fan fic, and it's a song fic. The song is "Secret Heart" by Rod Stewart. This fic is set just before Squall goes into space to try and save Riona, the game didn't show anything of the flight, (probably because watching people sit in a space ship would be very exciting…). But I guess on the journey he would have had some time to think about things, and that's what this is about, what Squall might have been thinking.

Disclaimer Time! I don't own the song, or Final Fantasy 8 or any of the characters.

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Twenty minutes ago I was in Esthar space station, one of the most advanced places on the planet, hi-tech where everything is totally controlled, where human things like emotions have no place. Once upon a time I used to think like that. What has it been now, days? Weeks? I don't know anymore. How long it's been since I met her, since I lost her it all seems to blur into one. Once, if you'd have told me I'd be risking my life every day, travelling to this forsaken place and fighting monsters too fierce for my worst nightmares to dream up, I'd have laughed and told you to forget about it. Actually I'd have probably said 'whatever' or '…' I've never been that good with words or people for that matter. I wonder if that's why I'm doing all this, that I never got around to telling her before that she was, no scratch that _is _the first person I've ever felt anything for. I don't even know if that's true either, I wonder if perhaps I have cared about people in the past, if I still do even now, if it's just been my fear stopping me getting close. I'm not going to answer that, the reason I can't stop worrying about the others betrays the fact that I've failed, failed at being Mr. Tough, Squall Leonhart, the guy nothing phases the man who isn't scared of anything, who never lets anyone get close.

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Secret heart, what are you made of? What are you so afraid of?

Could it be three simple words? Or the fear of being over heard?

What's wrong? Let her in on your secret heart

That used to be who I was; now I'm not sure I know who I am anymore. There seem to be so many things I don't understand, about time travelling super villains from the future, about the GF's, about the 'Same' and 'Wall' rules in the card game, about Laguna, and about me. I don't understand why I can't shake off these feelings that plague me, why I can't just say 'see ya later, not my problem' to all the guys from Balamb, and why I don't just let Riona go. Riona, beautiful, spirited and so full of life she's really started to affect me. I've lost count of the amount of times she's nearly got me killed lately, but I can't hate her for it, if fact it makes me care about her so much more. I know she tries to act tough and brave all the time but deep inside I know she gets scared and wants someone to always be there for her, guess she reminds me of someone I used to think I knew… 

If letting people get close to me wasn't bad enough, I think I might be going one step to far with her, friends are one thing they might hurt you, but not in the same way as … I don't even think I can say it. How stupid is that, risking my life, blasting off into outer space when I get travelsick just looking at a boat, and for what? For four stupid little letters that I can't even say. Right, psyche yourself up Squall, there's no one here in your head but yourself, even though it feels like there's someone else inside me sometimes, forget it, it's just a stupid little word.

Secret heart why so mysterious, why so sacred, why so serious?

Maybe you're just acting tough; maybe you're just not bad enough

What's wrong? Let her in on your secret heart

This very secret you're trying to conceal, is the very same one, you're dying to reveal

Go tell her how you feel...

'I love you!' there I said it, well thought it anyway I don't know why but I just had a vision, a vision of her lying there, motionless at the feet of that damned sorceress. What was that word? an epiphany or something, I just had one and I've finally realized why I've been acting like a love struck fool, because I am. The reason I've been acting like this, the reason I've dropped my guard and rode my luck everyday since I met her is because regardless of whether I like it or not, I've fallen in love with her.

We once told each other that 'I'll be waiting here, so if you come here you'll find me' we meant a special place, but I wonder if the real me is waiting somewhere deep inside myself. Maybe locked away, like a secret GF in the depths of my heart is the real me. I only wish it was that easy, and maybe it is, maybe all I need is her. Perhaps with Riona back in my arms I'll finally know who I am, and then maybe I'll be strong enough to protect her, to end this nightmare for her. I know she tries to handle all her sorceress powers on her own, she said that she'd be fine on her own, but I still remember when I said the same, and I wasn't. I know what I have to do now, so why am I so scared? Perhaps because some secrets shouldn't have to come into the light.

This very secret you're trying to conceal, is the very same one, you're dying to reveal

Go tell her how you feel.

Secret heart, come out and share it, this loneliness, few can bear it

Could it be something to do with, admitting you can't go through it alone

Let her in on your secret heart, let her in, let her in on your secret heart

Love, it's just a stupid little word, but it can hurt so much more than my blade ever could. And I treasure such a foolish little secret so much that I never want to let anyone discover it. And my heart, my weak little heart the one thing I never wanted to risk hurting, but maybe I've been doing that by hiding from it all these years. It's tragic but I can't shake the feeling that I'm going to end up dying for her, then I'll have to leave her and end up hurting her just like I always feared I'd get hurt. Love, Just a stupid word I don't quite understand, but I think it might just change my life and maybe even the fate of my whole damn world.


End file.
